A Guide to Speak Dating Like a Generation Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Words for Romance, Intimacy and Bad Behaviour

This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {